My 2019 New Year’s Resolution: Let it go…

Let it Go

It was our first day back to work after the holidays.

My co-worker Henry and I hung our coats. Then he whipped out his phone and showed me a picture of the wedding rings he ordered. He had finally popped the question to his long time partner, Robert. I teased him, “You are faaaancy, Henry! I didn’t realize you were into such bling.”

“I didn’t realize I liked diamonds so much!” He gushed.

He shrugged and giggled as he opened the computer to check his email. I milled around a counter near him collecting paper work that had accumulated while away over our Christmas break. I glanced over and could see his face scrunch up. He stepped back from the computer continuing to keep his eyes fixed on the screen. Raising his hands in the air, he calmly said, “I’m just gonna let it go.”

I chuckled. “Oh no. What’s going on, Henry?”   

For all the years Henry and I worked together, I could always rely on his perky attitude. The age different of nearly twenty years between us had never mattered when we shared jokes and stories of our lives.

He looked at me shaking his head and repeated “I’m just going to let it go.” He adjusted his square dark rimmed glasses then smoothed the grey hair by his temple. It was obvious that something he read bothered him.

I leaned my head sideways and squinted at him. Then I began nodding and sincerely declared, “I like that, Henry. That is a great attitude. Just let it go!”

Just then Tammy walked in and asked, “What are we letting go of?” Tammy was a petite woman with disheveled, thin, long brown hair. Even though her forehead was permanently lined with signs of age and (perhaps) worry, Tammy’s endearing laugh lines were what stood out most. She always entered a room with a smile.

“Henry got an email.” I made a face. “But he is letting it go! I think that should be our new motto for 2019.”

Without skipping a beat Tammy started delightfully waving her arms into the air and broke into song: “Oh, the weather outside is frightful, But the fire is so delightful. And since we’ve no place to go, Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!”

The three of us laughed.

I announced: “Alright, that settles it. We’re going into 2019 with a new attitude.”

I spent the last few years fighting all sorts things, but this year, I’ve decided not to. When I show up at home after work and the kids haven’t completed their chores, I will take a deep breath and say to myself: Let it go.

When I ask, “Did anyone let the dogs out while I was gone?” and all three of my kids stare blankly at me, I will open the door and think: Let it go.

When I drink a gallon (exaggerating….a little) of wine because I want to stop worrying about their school grades and then I realize I don’t even remember their teachers’ names, I will say to myself: Let it go.

When I consequently wake up with a slight headache and feel like the biggest loser in the world, and face palm myself before even opening my eyes, I will think: Let it go. You’re usually pretty good. 

Henry, who is a devote Christian, a gay man about to marry his long term love, and an amazingly optimistic and friendly human being is very different than me in many ways. Tammy, who has a hippy spirit, who is a mother to a daughter who is disabled and needs full attention in a special home, and who showed up at work dressed as Alice Cooper on Halloween, is also very different than me. I, am a step-mom and have different concerns and struggles than Henry and Tammy. But in some ways we are the same. In some ways, we humans, are all the same. We could all use a break and going into the new year with a bit of a carefree attitude, might work out well for us all.  

Oh, look. Someone left every fucking light on in the house on again.

Let it go.


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