Have you ever gone out with your partner for a romantic date night only to stare blankly at one another under a dimly lit bulb and a nice meal? You struggle for something new and interesting to talk about. Worst case scenario, you are both sitting there with your heads down staring at your phones. Or, maybe you default back to the topic of your kids. Blah Blah Blah…. Their grades in school, why won’t they listen, are you setting them up for success….
Remember when you first met each other and it was easy? You shared your hopes and dreams?? A date is the perfect time for you and your partner to re-connect! You’ve paid a baby sitter, so now how do you make the evening worth it?
How does this happen? When did we run out of things to talk about? If you analyze it, it becomes pretty clear:
Sometimes I get into a slump. I fill my days with Work, Netflix, Facebook, Chores, and Kid’s stuff. (And if I’m being honest, a few too many glasses of wine…) It feels like I’m on auto-pilot!
I’ve set the control. I have no one to blame but myself. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
I saw this picture recently on Facebook, and although it’s meant as a joke, it gave me a jolt.
I looked down at my glass of wine as the computer screen illuminated it clearly at 10:00 p.m. OH MY GAWD! HAVE I TURNED MYSELF INTO A ZOMBIE??
I moved into action.
- I deactivated Facebook (which isn’t unusual—I do this a few times a year to take a break—usually a picture like the one above it a good catalyst to prompt me). But… I kept my Instagram to build my relationships with other step-moms who blog and/or have something important to offer me at this time in my life. (I promise, the world will not stop turning if you decide to hit the pause button on your social media.)
- I made a commitment to ditch Netflix for a month. Instead, I’m taking advantage of my FMTV – Food Matters membership. I call this the Netflix for those looking for inspiring documentaries, recipes, spiritual content, and exercise/yoga programs. I think they have a free trial if you want to check it out. It taps into the nutritionist in me and reminds me who I am. We can get bombarded with negative News headlines and the ever present gloom and doom we are fed; don’t we need some soulful content? *just breathe*
- I decided to do a cleanse. Along with step-parenting, my wine consumption has increased. My poor liver needs a little more care and attention a few times a year! So I’m doing Terry Willard’s 15 day Liver Detox. I don’t like restricting myself, but it’s for the greater good. (My dog DayDay seems to think this is hilarious. I’ll show you, DayDay!)
The point to all of this is that I am consciously filling my head (and body) with positive input and actions that I can be proud of, for myself AND to talk with my husband about. This way when we gaze into one another’s eyes across the table over a filet mignon and stuffed mushroom, I have something of substance to say.
Reality check: Not all partners are as excited about your cleanse or “finding yourself” as you are. Soooo….there are other things that help:
- I read. I read a lot of books. I wait for some juicy material and store it in my memory-bank for future conversations when we are alone. For example:
“Did you know that Anthony Kiedis from the Chili Peppers was a huge heroin addict?”
“Did you know that this teacher became a millionaire because he figured out a simple and effective way to invest his money?”
“There was this guy who didn’t have a job and decided to drive a school bus for one year for a bunch of kids with special needs.”
- Also, we don’t have a T.V, but I do listen to the radio in the morning. The DJ’s always talk about current subjects and like to joke around. This keeps me in the loop and gives me something to share.
So, If you feel like conversation has become stagnant, maybe one of these suggestions will help.
Remember: When you’re in a relationship, everything is a dance. If someone in the relationship doesn’t like the conversation dance, you might find your partner playing video games in one room while you’re playing Candy Crush in another.
Happy dancing everyone.